Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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