I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
