It's like God shit irony all over that family
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
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just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
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The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
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