Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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