I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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