i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
