I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
