good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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