The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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