Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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