i just wanna soil my oats bro
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
