Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
