i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
