I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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