i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
this will be a night to untag.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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