I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
...so i touched it.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
