We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
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This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
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I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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