How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
