Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
