So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
