isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
