Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
