So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
