The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
