Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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