sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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