I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
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I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
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I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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