Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
