He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
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That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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