I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
