I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
