How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
