I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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