At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
