I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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