my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I intend to get homeless drunk
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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