Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
