remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
