Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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