Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
