I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
