Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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