He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think I sprained my soul last night
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
