I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
