I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Quick, to the slutcave!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
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Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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