Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
