i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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