We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
