Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
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If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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