I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
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