LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
