im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
