Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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