btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
