We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
