I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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