If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
