seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
