I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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