He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Send help, water and tortillas.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
