On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was an excessively violent trivia night
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize