You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
we're so committed to being not committed
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
