Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
