The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
