i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
