just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
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Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
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Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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