I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
