I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
