I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
