He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
